I believe, I truly believe deep in my heart and throughout my soul and my entire being, that perfection is attainable. If I work hard enough and if I try hard enough, I can do it. I know I can.
This.....imperfection; it's tearing me apart. I can't do it anymore. It's killing me, I can FEEL it. It hurts. It hurts so bad. And I'm so tired. So very, very tired. I can't do it anymore. I'm starting to hear voices in my head. I used to think I was my conscience. But I've quickly realized that it's not. It different, it's darker, and it hates the imperfections. Constantly pointing them out. It SCREAMS at me. They scream at me. They tell me to do things. Bad things.They tell me to hurt myself. To kill myself. To take the pills, to write the words, to start the arguments.
Oh God.
The arguments.
They make me argue with my family, my friends, everyone around me. Then, they blame my family. They think that I don't know it's them. And when I blame them, they blame me. They put visions of me killing my family in my head. I would never do it. But sometimes, the line is so blurry that it makes me wonder. Maybe it isn't them, maybe it's me. Do I want to kill my family?
No. At least, I don't think so.
I hate them. I HATE THEM!
THEY'RE EATING ME!!!
They FEED off of me.
They feed off of my weaknesses. My imperfections.
I WANT THEM OUT.
And then She came.
She told me that once all of the imperfections were gone, they would go away. They will have nothing to feed on, and with nothing to sustain them, how could they possibly survive?
She is the nice one. I call her She because she wont tell me her name. But she won't hurt me. She loves me. Sometimes we argue, just her and I. But it always works out. Because we love each other. We need each other. And when you know someone loves you, you can argue with them as much as you want too, because you know that they will always be there for you. And She will.
Wow, I kind of went off on a little tangent there. Whoops! :)
Anyway.....
So, this is me. Or it will be. I will take push my mind, body, and spirit to their limits. It's going to hurt, but that doesn't matter. This is all I've ever wanted. I will do this.
This is my journey to perfection.
Besides, what's the worst that could happen?
This.....imperfection; it's tearing me apart. I can't do it anymore. It's killing me, I can FEEL it. It hurts. It hurts so bad. And I'm so tired. So very, very tired. I can't do it anymore. I'm starting to hear voices in my head. I used to think I was my conscience. But I've quickly realized that it's not. It different, it's darker, and it hates the imperfections. Constantly pointing them out. It SCREAMS at me. They scream at me. They tell me to do things. Bad things.They tell me to hurt myself. To kill myself. To take the pills, to write the words, to start the arguments.
Oh God.
The arguments.
They make me argue with my family, my friends, everyone around me. Then, they blame my family. They think that I don't know it's them. And when I blame them, they blame me. They put visions of me killing my family in my head. I would never do it. But sometimes, the line is so blurry that it makes me wonder. Maybe it isn't them, maybe it's me. Do I want to kill my family?
No. At least, I don't think so.
I hate them. I HATE THEM!
THEY'RE EATING ME!!!
They FEED off of me.
They feed off of my weaknesses. My imperfections.
I WANT THEM OUT.
And then She came.
She told me that once all of the imperfections were gone, they would go away. They will have nothing to feed on, and with nothing to sustain them, how could they possibly survive?
She is the nice one. I call her She because she wont tell me her name. But she won't hurt me. She loves me. Sometimes we argue, just her and I. But it always works out. Because we love each other. We need each other. And when you know someone loves you, you can argue with them as much as you want too, because you know that they will always be there for you. And She will.
Wow, I kind of went off on a little tangent there. Whoops! :)
Anyway.....
So, this is me. Or it will be. I will take push my mind, body, and spirit to their limits. It's going to hurt, but that doesn't matter. This is all I've ever wanted. I will do this.
This is my journey to perfection.
Besides, what's the worst that could happen?
No comments:
Post a Comment